I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
