3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
