It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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