it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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