I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
