My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
