i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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