She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
