So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
