I think my vagina is haunted
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a search helicopter?!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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