Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
