I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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