ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
