I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
