He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
pray to the hookup gods
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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