Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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