you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
