Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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