oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
