I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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