I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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