Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
