Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
