dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
