trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
