2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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