I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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