She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
