i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
