There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
