She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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