I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
