Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
