Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
