some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
