I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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