Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
