Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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