Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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