I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.