I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.