doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!