I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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