why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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