HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
