toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I haven't been this sober since birth.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
