So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
