His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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