So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize