i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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