HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
as a side note pls kill me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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