thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
