I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
