I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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