she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
