Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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