My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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