I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
