Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I believe in your delicious
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
