to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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