Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
