Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
organizing the empties. That sober.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
