Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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