You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
