Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
