So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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