omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
