she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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