Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Two words: blizzard sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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