First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are we still banned from the library?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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